is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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