Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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