We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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