the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize