one two three fourrrrnication!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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