in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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