Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
