mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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