So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
