I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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