why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
