I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
