if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm at about main and main street
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
