hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
