Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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