Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
