i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
