she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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