i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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