New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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