I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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