She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
