Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
