So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize