toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
