dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
