you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
