his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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