and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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