well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
