final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
