You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
