how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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