how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
