get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
