no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
