She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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