I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
