You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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