He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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