At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
