i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
