She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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