Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
