I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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