I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
