Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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