I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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