shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
