There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
