Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize