Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
