Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
