Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
