It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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