I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
