I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
