So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
