Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
