I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize