He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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