i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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