I need help removing her.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
