I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
