I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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