Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
