I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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