absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
