Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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