the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
