Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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