I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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