Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
