I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
