suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
