I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Welp...herpes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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