What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
