I think im going to throw up on grandma
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
