Please, let me fuck your mom
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
