he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
