I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize